The fantastic challenge of sharing the message I am about to is that the harder I try to analyze and control what I say, the further I will get from delivering my actual experience and thus rob you of sharing that experience with me.
I will start like this, I am speaking to your inner child. A part of you that is STILL there and never left. I promise its there, no matter how much adult you have added over the years the excitement, the energy the unfiltered love is there in ALL of its glory. I speak to that in you. And I will BE that as I speak to that in you.
There was a time when you had zero control over your life. You went where you were told, you spoke simple words, you ate when you were fed and you were warmed only when someone warmed you. You were cared for only by others. This time your life was also the time that you were the most fulfilled. You had total confidence in what you were, and who you were. There were no angles, no strategies, no methodology. You were just you and you acted in every moment without hesitation nor analysis. This was the time you were most happy and it’s not a coincidence.
Adults all around us eventually gave us the language and thoughts that they had. Eventually you thought in strategy, in methodology eventually you began to agree with social norms. Around this same time you began to develop a kind of identity, some kind of “way” that you are. “I am left brained” or “Im not that type of person” or “I don’t do that kind of stuff.” And also around this same time you started to get unhappy and unfulfilled (also not a coincidence.) All at once there was in insatiable void that you could only do you best to ignore.
But there it was ALL THE TIME. For me it was a compounding thought that went something like this. “what is wrong with me?” then as the emotion that followed grew stronger the voice in my head grew louder. “WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?” and round and round we go. It may have been something like that for you or something else. You may have even had some abuse or trauma that triggered some type of thought or identity. The end result is always the same. The child seemed to have gone, and innocence seemed to be missing. What happened to all of us?
Well we can call it what ever we wan’t right now I’ll call it “adultness.” All of the sudden we are required to be responsible and survive. We were told that the world was dark and mean. And once we believe that that is the case, we had to defend our positions staunchly. We had to chose a side. “Are you a liberal or conservative?” We were asked “what is your position on this and that?” Everything we learned after the question, “what is wrong with me/the world?” became an answer to compensate for what is wrong. Because once that question has been asked enough, a made-up answer was finally provided. So ALL of our identity all of our methodology and ideas are given to try to make the world ok. And the ultimate irony is that our struggle to force the world to be ok is the very thing that makes it so chaotic. We never accept it totally and completely we never surrender and thus the game of compensating and controlling rolls on with the force of all human history behind it. My answer to the question “what is wrong with the world?” will be staunchly apposed by many forceful egos! (and I truly love you for your commitment.) THE WORLD WAS NEVER NOT OK the question is broken! The world is EXACLY the way it should be, the reason I know that is because it is THAT way.
As we compensate ANYWHERE in life, we compensate EVERYWHERE. Trying to make up for something that happened in the past is like walking around with a bag on your head trying to convince people that you can see clearly. Trying to make the world ok is the chaos of the world perpetuating its own existence.
The art of total surrender and acceptance is not controllable nor understandable. That is why governments hate it. That is why establishments hate it and that is why the ego of humanity hates it, both the individual and collective ego. Surrender and acceptance is the ultimate threat to war, to hate, to human suffering, to racism, to sexism, to homophobia, to cruelty, to violence. The reason it’s so illusive is that the moment we force surrender we have lost it, the moment we force acceptance we have lost it. We are so anxious to get it that we destroy it. We are so strategic with our adultness that the child stays lost behind all the noise.
I was walking out of Walmart when a woman approached me and asked me for some money to buy groceries. She said she had 6 kids to feed, I asked if $100 would be enough and she was happy at my question. I asked if I could go in with her and pay and she was more than happy to have me go in to pay at the checkout counter. I was not really being accepting and surrendering to her at all at this moment. You see, I was taught from a very young age not to give money to homeless or needy people because they may buy alcohol or drugs with it. I realized this “adultness” in me as she was shopping. I realized VERY clearly that I was trying to control this woman. The adult in me thought, “well I want to make sure my money goes to the right place!” The adult is the one who decided how much was a responsible amount to give, the adult in me strategized and controlled. After we checked out as we were leaving she hugged my and thanked me profusely. Against what an adult may call responsible…..I gave her $40 in cash so she could do ANYTHING she wanted with it. I actually wanted her to have the space to be free. I wanted to give her power to get what she wanted. I wanted to truly give a gift. I realized later that it was impossible for me to be scammed because I wanted her to have ANYTHING she wanted. The only thing left unsaid was “you can get what ever you want with this!” I would have loved to have said that! Bare in mind it was not easy to let go of the adultness.
My point in sharing this story is that acceptance and surrender won’t make sense, especially at first. That is why its an art, not a science. Science does a good job at making sense of things. Information works well in its own world. But science and logic go out the window totally in the art of true acceptance and surrender.
My one sentence message that embodies the entire essence is this… STOP TRYING SO HARD, the child within you already knows EXACTLY what to do, when to do it and how to do it!
Thank you for reading I honor your attention I invite anyones feedback of any kind.